This prompt was to make a journal entry from the first person POV. So naturally I took inspiration from my journey as a Hare Krishna Devotee and dipped it into a sci-fi/fantasy genre soup. And so here is the result! “Diary of a Time Tapper.”
For too long I’ve tried to find the meaning of what it is to be alive.
I guess when you’ve seen centuries pass, kings fall, medieval thoughts turn into renaissance philosophy, and monarchies replaced by the power of a tweet…what is a life spent in search of having it all?
With the blink of an eye I could be distilling water by rock with the best of the cavemen, and in the next instance be witnessing Da Vinci frantically trying to map out in an invention via charcoal; fearful he might lose the flame of inspiration kindled within his mind as it pours out onto the parchment in front of him.
I searched for moments like that, fluttering between worlds, millennia, and even alternate realities.
I’ve seen the Martian Queens, and world-dominating factions that kill for sport.
Witnessed machinery that creates organic life from engines attached to ships.
I tap and tap between lives lived, and those yet to be mined, for all the moments that might leave me fulfilled; every desire to be pruned and suckled until there’s no spontaneity left.
It wasn’t until I grew tired, centuries of weaving in and out of temporal time, that I realized I’d missed the mark. Vast riches, power, and limitless chances to be reckless could not quench the seemingly immortal thirst I had; always falling short.
It wasn’t the desire to fulfill all my wants that would satiate the hunger in my heart. Nor was it the multitude of times I tried to quell my unease by fixing all the suffering in the world; after all I had time. I was, for all-intensive purposes, a master of it.
Or so I thought.
For as much suffering as I solved, more would always manifest in a different color that would blanket the world again in whichever time or reality I tapped into.
Looking back, I see it.
It’s clear to me.
The moments spent laughing with the servant boy behind the kitchen chambers whilst Queen Elizabeth sent her soldiers to find me for my duties to be kept.
The minutes spent surrounded by family as they reminisced about me on my thirteenth birthday before I was to inherit the seven kingdoms of the Milky Way Galaxy.
The six am drowsy morning spent trying to figure out which coffee mug to use whilst I laughed with the dearest of siblings.
The many friendships that made me laugh, cry, and feel in between the conquest to be immortal.
They were the licks of mortality that made me feel small, that poised me to receive the greatest gift of all; the realization that with all these efforts tapping in and out of time, all I’ve ever really wanted was to be swept away by it.
To feel connection to something greater than myself through the relationships that remind me of what’s important; the real kind of riches.
Riches made up of laughs, smiles, deep conversation, and love. As well as sadness, heartbreak, and disappointment.
So here I am, tapped out and settled into the last material life I may lead. In a time that feels right, surrounded by the people who’ve led me closer to something divine than I’ve ever felt.
In accepting my imminent death and not trying to escape it, I’ve found what I’ve been looking for. Because for all the countless lives I’ve lived over the spectrum of time and space, I’d ruthlessly tried to squeeze every ounce of pleasure I could, to feel even an ounce of what I feel now.
And until I met the devotees, I’d never realized I was squeezing the wrong fruit; searching for purpose in the wrong results. My former self from the start of this journey would probably laugh at the choice I’m making now; to give up my power and abilities.
To stop trying to live like a god, and instead start loving and serving one.
But this choice is as much for the person I was, as the person I’m becoming.
The type of person that understands there’s value in living one life the right way.